it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
