I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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