I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
