In the future we'll all be gay
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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