we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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