I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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