i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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