he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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