Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
