I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
