She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
