I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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