It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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