love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
