I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
