so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
