just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
