when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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