If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
