just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
