he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
