I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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