This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
