last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
