I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Barsexuality is the new black.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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