don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it was like eating out sand paper
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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