Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
