your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
