I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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