Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
