How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
