I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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