My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
