is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
