4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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