Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
