His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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