Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
