I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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