Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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