Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
