Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
