By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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