I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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