Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
