She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
