Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I faked an abortion last night.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize