Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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