According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
