did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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