New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
