just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
