you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
