my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
