I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dick has a subreddit
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
