I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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