Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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