Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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