I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jerry, you need to find god
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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