This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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