Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
