I have demons in me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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