He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
