There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I touched a dick in church today
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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