you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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