I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
how drunk are you?
Several
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
