Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
