Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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