MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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