i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
