Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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