so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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