dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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