I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
