was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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