So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
