That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
