shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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